Tales from the Snark Side: ROCK-A-DIE BABY (1989)

Have you ever had one of those days where you just need to shut out the noise of the world and sink into a hot, frothy bath of low-rent '80s horror movie? Is it just me? This time out, wading nostril deep through the excretia of the last two years - err, I mean two weeks - I thought "hey, now is the time to watch one of the few '80s anthology horror films that I've never seen before!" What could go wrong?Warning: Spoilers Ahead.Opening with...

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Psychic Power: PATER NOSTER AND THE MISSION OF LIGHT (2024)

Hard to believe but Shocktober 2024 is upon us. To be honest, we’re still healing from our self-inflicted cinemasochism journey of Ulli Lommel serial killer flicks last year, so I figured it would take something pretty special to get me out of that slump. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that something arrived via the underground horror film PATER NOSTER AND THE MISSION OF LIGHT (2024). Kick off your Birkenstocks, light some incense, and avoid the brown...

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TV Terror: PLAYING WITH FIRE (1985)

Figured it would take something major for me to churn out a full blown review and I’ll be damned if that didn’t happen this week when someone unearthed the super elusive TV movie PLAYING WITH FIRE (1985) starring sitcom star Gary Coleman as a teenage arsonist. The NBC TV project was announced in March 1984, just a month after Coleman had turned sixteen and the world’s biggest child star wanted to expand his range beyond playing precocious children...

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Horrible Halloween: The Living Hell of Ulli Lommel (2023)

 The plan was to cover the full run of 12 serial killer movies from Ulli Lommel and his pimp, Lionsgate. Unfortunately, these movies are even worse than we suspected. Really, I'm not kidding here. These movies suck so hard that they create a swirling vortex of darkness that swallows black holes. So, we tapped out early. "Wimps!" I hear you scream. Yeah, I know, we're getting soft in our respective old ages. We could have broken a hip or something!...

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Living Hell of Ulli Lommel: NIGHT STALKER (2009)

I woke up in a cold sweat. I had that nightmare again. The nightmare has been the same for a month. I was in a room, watching movies that had no budget, barely made any sense and were wrong in every conceivable way and then... I'd write about it. As if anyone cared. I was wracked with pain, both physical and mental. How could my mind come up with such horrible visions? Then I realized, it was not a dream. IT WAS REAL.In absolute honesty, I am really...

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